Tuesday, December 4, 2007

I am In a Funk

I am in such a funk. I am uncomfortable in my own stretched to capacity skin.I feel like bawling my eyes out. I just spent yesterday cleaning my house that is now destroyed because of my lazy ass not picking up after myself, a 2 year old (which I don't mind at all ) and a husband with a migraine. As far as my weight , well that's my own damn fault....I am not following my diet and apparently can't stop myself from eating Peanut M &M's. Sons a bitches. The only thing that keeps me going is a little baby girl who is the light of my life. And I'm letting her down. How can I do this to her? I have got to get out of this depression before it fucks her up. God I am so selfish. I am being a bad mom.Or am I being human?Ahh there's the voice of reason. I don't fucking know. All I know is I need some good sleep. I haven't worn my CPAP (sleep apnea) machine in a week because of a snotty nose and maybe that's causing these feelings. I am literally falling apart. I can't stand myself.I am so sick of myself . What the fuck??????????????

5 comments:

Our Ohana said...

Girl cut yourself a break. We all get that way sometimes, I know I do especially in the winter months. Do what you need to to make youself feel better. What Skyler needs is a Mommy that loves her and we all know you do. The rest will fall into place. As for the weight a whole bunch of us have banded together on the forum to lose weight. The support is nice. I wasn't going to come to MO cause Dad is coming now, but maybe I will just to give you a good swift kick in the ass to make you not be so hard on yourself!!!! Call me if you need to...email for the number. I don't work either so I'm always free for you! Feel BETTER!!

Kathy said...

Bad mom - definitely not! Just human - absolutely!!! Get some sleep, take some time for yourself and ignore the messy house and play with your precious daughter. I felt so overwhelmed a few weeks ago. I focused on what was important and let the other stuff slide. My diet downfall is Lindt Truffles! Hang in there and feel better!

Kerri said...

Sorry you're feeling so rotten. I have days like that too so know you're not alone.
Thinking of you -
Kerri and Ruby

bluethenpink said...

YOU??? A bad Mommy???!!! AS IF!!
I wish I was closer to you so that I could make you wear your Gabba Gabba shirt and dance around the house with you (well you would dance and I would video it to torment you with later LOL j/k) I really do wish I was closer to try to cheer you up! You are a very good Mommy and the smiles on that little precious girl proves it! I think every mommy feels this way from time to time. {{{{HUGS}}}} I hope you get to feeling better soon and can get some sleep... you're right I think you're body need sleep! A tired body can lead to a tired mind and then the mind can reek havic on your whole system! I am here if you need me!

Betsy said...

Stupid ass M&M's! They make me feel the same way sometimes, well so do the french fries, the brownies, chips, the... you name it.

I am trying to become more healthy too. It is quite difficult. I find myself much more motivated when I think I'm doing it for my girl than for myself. Strange huh? You'd think it would be the other way around but it ain't.

Assvice: try not to beat yourself up. There's no good pupose for "guilting/shaming" yourself. Set a goal, a time to start it, and move forward. That decision alone will help you feel better.

I hope you are able to get some sleep too. Sleep deprivation colors everything in the most negative light.