Thursday, January 3, 2008

Shitty Ass Mood

Well Sorry I have been in a shitty ass mood as of late so I really haven't felt like posting much. I am so tired. I feel like a single mother lately and it sucks. I just want or need some me time and then that has me feeling so ashamed. I am fucking human afterall. I feel like I need to be the mom all the time even to Ralph and I don't think that's fair. I want a partner for Godsakes. I realize how lucky I am believe me I could never live without my family but I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I need a girls night out or something. You know whats funny I had Ralph watch Skylar so I could go catch some after Christmas sales and I was back within an hour. I got what I wanted and didn't know what to do with myself so I came home . I don't even know what to do with me time I just know I need some. Maybe these swimming classes Onnie and I are taking on Tues. and Thurs. will help boost my endorphins. Shit maybe I need new medicine or a different dosage. Shit maybe I am just sad. All I know is I cannot stop crying off and on. I told Ralph all this and he doesn't get it. AT ALL. He is sooooo stupid and he doesn't mean to be , he just doesn't get it. Jesus I don't either. I feel like I want to runaway but I would NEVER do that don't get me wrong people THESE are JUST FEELINGS. Sorry for the shitty ass post. This is the new honesty thing.

5 comments:

Type (little) a said...

Oh Kelly, I know how you feel. Hugs.

And yay for honesty! And saying Fuck!

:-)

Kerri said...

Oh, I just want to hug you! Sometimes life just sucks and that's all there is to it. Those who haven't experienced your pain don't really get it even as they watch you go through it. Call your doc and talk about your meds. There's no point in suffering when you may feel so much better with a medication adjustment.
Hugs -
Kerri and Ruby

Mom said...

Jeez Kel, Let me help you out. Anything you want. If it's to talk or babysit or go get new meds for you just let me know babe. Your my boo.

Kathy said...

Kelly:

I am so sorry you are feeling this way but glad you are getting it out. I felt the same way as you a few weeks ago and but bottled it up until I broke down crying with my friend. As much as we love our children, we still need time for ourselves and to take care of us too. Wish I lived near you to take you out on a Girls Night Out!

Kathy

jacob31102 said...

Aw Kelly, I know. I hope it does help you some to get it out. It is normal to have these feelings and its okay. You are a great mother, I can tell. Try not to beat yourself up and maybe talking to the doc about diff/more meds wouldnt hurt? Hope you feel better.

Melissa